also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
