and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
