Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
