Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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