You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
