You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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