i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
