apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
