I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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