ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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