dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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