yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
