My nipple is on Facebook.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
