If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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