i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
