Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
