Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
