break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
