I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
