GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize