yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
