Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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