onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize