found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i think my cat just said my name.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
