my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
