i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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