someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize