So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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