do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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