I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
