He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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