I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
