mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize