...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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