Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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