I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
