how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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