Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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