I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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