Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
