Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My dick has a subreddit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize