When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
