the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
