Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
