i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize