Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
