I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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