just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
