I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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