all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
