we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
