i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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