He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
