CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
