They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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