I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
