I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
