The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We named our party play list daddy issues
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
