its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize