I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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