I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
