If that was your dad, he is hot
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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