Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
