just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
a search helicopter?!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
