Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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