I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
