I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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