Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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