Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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