just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
