I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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