If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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