finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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