Sry I called you an 8
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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