Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
